Welp. Apparently I’ve been partying too hard in Nepal because this morning I woke up sick.

JK. I haven’t been partying – the air here is horribly polluted and I bet that has a large part of why my throat is scratchy and my nose won’t stop running. So, while I’m chillin’ in bed in my Airbnb, resting, I figure now’s as good a time as any to reflect on my time so far in Kathmandu. 

Where to begin? Kathmandu, and its surrounding neighborhoods, are pure chaos. Cars and scooters choking the streets with no clear rhyme or reason to traffic laws. Horns honking. Crowds of people walking down narrow alleys while scooters budge their way in an inch from my foot. My senses have been on overdrive since I arrived Friday night. And while it’s insane here and I feel very lost and overwhelmed and alone, I also feel excited and alive. Back home, most of my day was done on autopilot. Here? I am “on,” constantly navigating where to go; looking all around because there’s so much to see while simultaneously making sure I am paying attention to my surroundings; listening harder when people speak due to accents/language barriers. Each day here feels like living two in one. 

So far, I’ve:

• Visited two UNESCO heritage sites, Patan Darbur Square and Kathmandu Darbur Square. At each, I paid a guide to walk me around the various temples and museums so I could learn about its history.
  • Pretty sure my guide at the KTM square wasn’t actually a guide; he had no sign or card to show me like the other guide at Patan did, and his tour was pretty lousy, to be honest. It was pretty clear he saw an American woman who looked lost and took advantage. I got swindled! Oh well. You live and you learn. It’s easy to get wrapped up in everything because it’s all moving so fast. 
• Visited Boudha Stupa, which is a major pilgrimage site for Tibetan monks and also a UNESCO Heritage Site. I saw many monks praying and wandering around in their maroon robes (idk what they’re called). There,
  • A man asked me for money because he said he had cancer and no money to pay for treatment.  
  • My guide took me into a shop that sold impressive paintings done by Thanka Art School students; he and one of the teachers tried to pressure me into buying a painting and I nearly caved just so they’d stop harassing me. It was very uncomfortable to say no multiple times and not be heard. I must work on being more firm, as this kind of interaction will likely occur often. 
  • I wanted to visit Pashupatinath Temple after seeing the Stupa, as they’re only one km away from one another, but I was hungry, the amount of people pressing into me at all sides was hugely disorienting and stressful, and I nearly lost it when trying to explain to my driver where I was at so he could pick me up and get me the heck outta there. 
• Found a cool bookstore called Pilgrims and ate at a delicious pizza place called Roadside Cafe.
• Got lost in Thamel and a kind man helped put me back on the right road. 
• Had to dodge an old guy who tried to touch me or grab me or something; that was weird and uncomfortable. 
• Answered multiple questions about where I’m from and how old I am and if I’m married.
• Found a cute coffee shop where I sit and work at most mornings (finding familiar activities or environments will be key to adapting to long term travel and for my mental health overall). 
• Got the first dose of my Japanese Encephalitis vaccine – what an experience! In and out of the clinic in twenty minutes, and paid $17, instead of the $300 per dose I’d have had to pay in the US. If we wanna talk about being swindled! 
• Very much enjoyed walking all over the place and getting a taste of this chaotic, beautiful country. 

I could go on and on but that sums up the major points of my trip so far. Traveling like this, on my own, is a shock to the system and I am grateful for it. I think we all need that every now and then. 

I miss my family and friends like crazy. And interior heating. I have no heat in my Airbnb (that’s common here) and good lord, that’s been tough to adjust to. My Airbnb host gave me a space heater, which has been a saving grace. He also gave me cold medicine when he found out I wasn’t feeling well. People here are generous and expect nothing in return. 

My heart hurts with missing Magnus too. Him not being here with me feels unnatural. I want to kiss his little head just one more time and rub those bat ears of his. I am still processing what it means for him not to be here, and truthfully, I haven’t dwelled on it too much. Partly because I can’t – my brain is exhausted. But also I don’t want to. Not yet. 

In two days I leave for Chitwan National Park, where I’ll take a jeep safari tour in the jungle. I’m looking forward to being closer to nature and experiencing a slower pace of life. Phew. 

When I woke up on my first day here, and for the rest of the day, I thought to myself, “what the fuck have I done?” 

A good friend reminded me that I’ll have plenty of those days, and then I’ll persevere and things will get more comfortable as I’m pulled and stretched into someone new. And as the tough moments come, I let them, because nothing is permanent and they will pass.

P.S. pro tip if you plan on visiting Kathmandu: wear a mask!