Nepal is alluring and depressing. Chaotic and peaceful. Inspiring and exhausting. Rich in history and poor in development. Its people are kind in demeanor and yet cold. This country is everything and nothing I thought it would be. 

So far, my time here contrasts itself on a daily basis. The last few weeks have been wonderful while also very hard and a little lonely. I have amazing days while craving meaningful human interaction like a starving person. I wake up and can’t wait for the day to begin even though I sometimes struggle to open up the door and leave my house. Perhaps this chapter of my life should be titled “Dichotomies,” as so many of my experiences and my day-to-day living are in constant opposition with one another. 

The difference between traveling somewhere briefly and moving somewhere for a certain stretch of time is stark. Instead of going one hundred miles an hour trying to fit everything in, I live life at a normal pace, which feels a little strange, like I’m missing out on something. And – honestly – the normality is a little dull. Vacations to a place like Nepal require you to move at breakneck speed lest you miss anything. Real life is nothing like that, at least not for me. Most of my days are slow, spent walking to cafes to read or write. I navigate the grocery store and pick up veggies for dinner from the little mart on the corner. I do my laundry and I grow bored. Life here is life everywhere; not all that different from my life in Salem. 

And yet, it’s different in every way. 

So, dichotomies. 

Of course, the mundanity of everyday life here is balanced out, nearly stamped out, by the round-the-clock newness of everything I encounter: Sitting in coffee shops and listening to languages swirl around me in various shades of colors and tones. Hiking new trails and seeing ornate temples and watching cows walk down the road while cars skirt around it. Countless cafes and restaurants to choose from; new dishes to try. And through all of that, an ever-expanding sense of wonder, which – for this Sagittarius who gets bored easily – is the best part. 

Traveling overseas is often depicted as glamorous; exciting and adventurous, and for many, it is. It all depends on how you do it. I chose to live in Nepal for six months because I wanted to sink into a different way of life the way one sinks into a bubble bath, and unless you stay put somewhere for a chunk of time, getting an actual meal out the experience, instead of a bite-sized chunk, isn’t quite as feasible.

That’s not to say the way in which I’m traveling isn’t exciting. It is. But the longer I’m here, the more I realize that life is truly what you make it. Aside from the excitement of being in a new country, Nepal and/or traveling has not magically brought me happiness. I have to find that in myself. I have to seek it out. And some days, that’s easier than others. I do realize that my life looks vastly different than from when I was in Salem – I’m not working and I spend my days doing as I please. So, in that sense, it’s easy to examine life and be like, “everything’s peachy, just choose happiness” while stuffing my face with my tenth mo:mo (the best dumplings ever!). But, that fact aside, I still believe that we get to choose happiness in any circumstance we’re in (I am not talking about suffering through catastrophic events here, btw, I’m talking about, like, everyday, boring life). And if you’re not happy? Pivot and figure out what makes you happy. I think it’ll always be in yourself first, so you gotta start there, but there are situations and environments and experiences that fit you better than others. So choose what fits you. That might sound too casual. Too easy. I don’t think it is. Our society, our parents, our inner dialogue, our false expectations that are derived from the aforementioned – that’s what makes it tough to walk our own path.

Anyway.

A sentence I came across in a book I’m reading stuck out to me, and it said, “I couldn’t believe the control we had over changing the shape of things.” The speaker was talking about cooking, but it was like she was speaking directly to me because being here, packing up and leaving behind my life in Salem, has indelibly changed the shape of my life in ways I can’t yet see or fathom, and all it took was me deciding to go. That I am actually here? That I actually made it happen? Feels a little like a fever dream. I’m very lucky and very blessed to be here. And: I made it happen. Not to pat myself on the back, but I think that’s worth saying. Everyone who chases their dreams should celebrate themselves because it isn’t easy to do.

To think that last week I wanted to buy a ticket home.

In another week, I may consider it again! Who knows. I am learning to love each day as it comes. Maybe that’s what life’s all about? And if that’s the case, did I really need to fly halfway across the world to figure that out? 🙂